Georgiana and me attending the International Film Festival Gala Fundraiser earlier this year at the Palm Springs Convention Center
After a Tragedy, Financial Literacy will Help You Survive, Grieve, Recover and Reclaim Your Life
By Steve
Let’s not kid ourselves. The mere discussion about money, finances, credit scores, buying decisions and affordability problems is as emotional as a budding romance for single adults of all ages. This blog post is for singles from ages 18 to 98 who are seeking love for the first, second or third time and want to know what works. After my loss, I’ll explain how my financial literacy worked as a 70 year-old-widower.
Last year, I reluctantly returned to dating and was fortunate to find a new love for 2018. This is another major change in my life. However, this time it’s positive, and much of it is due to my self-taught financial literacy. But my experience is not new, just a reminder that financial literacy has many unexpected benefits.
As this article from Bloomberg confirms what many of us in the financial independent community already know, people view a potential date’s high credit score as an advantage. Of course, it’s more complicated than one score but it says a lot about how people view financial matters. The author wrote, “Managing your money well is consider hot in the dating world.”
For young adults, financially responsibility goes hand and hand with emotional responsibility. Most people know those money problems are the primary cause of divorces. Being on the same page with a potential partner about financial values is a tremendous antidote to marital strife no matter what your age.
After the exchanging pleasantries and you and your date are compatible with politics, spiritual values and shared interests, look for these opposing financial characteristics:
(Red is a warning and Green is Good)
- Does your date spend every cent and rationalizing their decision by proclaiming short-sighted statements such as, “life is short,” “money or finances never interested me” “can’t take it with you when you die” or does he or she save and look forward to financial independence someday?
- Does your date buy a new car every three years with never-ending, monthly auto loan payments, or purchase a two-year-old car with cash and invests the money for the future?
As the Bloomberg article mentioned, also look for more signs such as owning and using several credit cards with credit card debt, or low credit scores.
Unfortunately, in the real world, most people are reluctant to talk about finances. Then, something happens…such as one partner begins spending on useless crap and the other partner stresses out because money is now tight. That’s not a great way to start a discussion about money, especially after the vows.
You can learn a ton about a potential date by beginning a conversation any of these topics:
- I bought cars in excellent pre-owned condition with cash and kept them for years. I never bought a new car.
- The money I saved from having no car loans I paid myself first and invest in a diversified portfolio.
- I live within my means
- I know how to manage my stock and bond investments.
- I purchased a reasonably sized house.
- I take advantage of the tax-deferred retirement plans at work or use a Self Employment Plan because I own a business.
Talking about these types of personal finances opens the communication big time, and it’s best to find out before marriage. Your date’s economic behavior which you just met comes out crystal-clear by your keen observing on what they do and what they don’t do with their money. If you are financially literate, you know exactly what I am talking about. However, it’s also plain good old fashion common sense. For example, they tell you about their hot sports car or expensive clothes and jewelry purchases, and during the same conversation when you would like to discuss current economic news, the stock market and how your portfolio is performing. If they listen politely that’s a good sign but if they cut you off and tell you they are not interested. That tells a lot! Don’t ignore it.
Broke Off An Engagement!
Here is a real-world example. I know a young woman who broke up a relationship over a financial decision her fiance’ made without her knowledge. This guy thought he could get away with it AFTER the official engagement was announced, the wedding date was set and invitations were sent, he bought a truck without her knowledge. OMG! talk about a manipulation. She read the warning signs of financial strife ahead that she would have to live with, not her family. For such a huge decision, her fiancé lacked communication and respect by not including her.
Hopefully, good friends and encouraging family would understand that she is a smart woman. Can you imagine the stress and the pressure to explain her break up? All she had to say is that her fiancé bought a new truck without her knowledge. She never mentioned any pushback from the families, so there is probably more negative evidence about this guy than the purchase of that truck.
When both spouses are savvy about finances, quality communication all areas of the relationship results. Confidence in money matters supports financial responsibility which strengthens the connection. Couples are happier when they are working towards shared goals, saving for children’s college education, for retirement and saving for a down payment on their first house or condo.
The antidote to marital stress is straightforward–talking intelligently about money can resolve differences without the unnecessary drama and painful divorces. Mastering finance is not only positive for married couples as the Bloomberg survey found, but it’s also a win-win situation in the dating world too. In my experience, first impressions about money management from an initial coffee date from somebody you connected with on match.com reveals a lot about people in a short period.
This Widower’s Experience (me) in the Senior Dating World in 2017
While I do not have a senior survey to cite I also share my real-world experience. When seniors are looking for new love, finances are as necessary as young adults. Of course, our financial situations differ from the young. While many of us have nest eggs and own a house, others live only on their Social Security.
Many surveys report that seniors regret spending too much and saving too little. I doubt that many seniors wished they spent more and saved less. I wonder if struggling seniors had a little more financial acumen throughout their lives that perhaps they would be more financially secure.*
Financial Knowledge and Discovering Georgiana
Last year I returned to dating after recovering from my grief. If you believe that financial literacy has no connection with success in finding a loving and healthy romance again and at my age, you are severely mistaken. When I first met Georgiana, I still remember the feeling I had when she said that she knows about investing. I was pleased and surprised because so few people have that particular knowledge.
When I had started meeting new single seniors, I had not thought about requiring investing acumen as a precondition for possible dating until she mentioned it. The basics that I was looking for were homeownership and personal responsibility in all areas of life. Investing acumen was a huge bonus but not required.
I was lucky to have met Georgiana because other dates were financially clueless. Even most of my friends and family are hard-pressed to understand how financial markets work and how financial literacy could improve their lives with less financial stress.
When Georgiana also said that she has no debt and doesn’t like to shop, I was not surprised. I know investing, I live frugally, I own my home and cars (no debts!). It’s interesting how financial literacy works so positively—people who know investing also make sensible financial decisions too, such as living within your means. I know that frugal living sounds so dated and a little insulting, but the subconscious always wants to use your credit card as an ATM.
Mr. Money Mustache discusses endlessly his simple life and how can lead to permanent and lasting happiness with you and your family. Life is complicated and stressful sometimes, and spending for us during these vulnerable moments makes us feel better at the moment. But time and time again, it’s only temporary. People admit and regret later that many purchases on things they really did not need were dumb purchases.
I am in the last quarter with eight minutes left in my game-of-life, and the last thing I want is somebody who knows nothing about personal finance, borrows and spends with a lot of petty drama. Georgiana and I reject the hideous consumer culture, wrong-way values, and fake sophisticated image. Instead, we believe in healthy and profound experiences that make us better human beings and to help in our tiny way to make the world a little better place (Our fundraising involvement for good causes as illustrated in the above pictures is one example). My attraction to her on that first coffee date went way up. Five months later we became exclusive.
Whether you are a young adult or senior citizen, married or single, get yourself some financial know-how! Genuine life abundance in unexpected places will come your way. While you may, or may not, get that “knight” or “princess” of your dreams, you will achieve something that is assessable to everyone–Financial Independence.
*Many seniors have experienced financial setbacks which were not their responsibility. Middle age diseases, accidents or natural disasters in which people could not recover are common causes. If you admit that you spent too much and not saved enough, you can be a strong advocate for the young people in your family to not make the same mistake.
Steve’s Bio
Stephen A. Schullo, Ph.D. (UCLA ’96) taught in the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) for 24 years and UCLA Extension teaching educational technology to student teachers. Steve wrote investment articles for the United Teacher-Los Angeles (UTLA) newspaper for 13 years. Thrice featured retirement plan advocate in the Los Angeles Times and U.S. News and World Report. He co-founded an investor self-help group 403bAware for teacher colleagues and wrote 7,200 posts in three investment forums since 1997. Frequently quoted by the media, testified at California State legislative hearings and honored with the “Unsung Hero” award by UTLA for his retirement planning advocacy. For the last nine years, he serves on LAUSD’s Investment Advisory Committee as a “Member-at-Large” and former co-chair. The committee contains collective bargaining reps from the unions and monitors the district’s tax-deferred retirement plans, 457b/403b, of 55,000 former and current LAUSD employees, worth $2.5 billion in total assets.
In 2015, Steve became a widower when his husband of 40 years died suddenly of acute monoblastic leukemia. See his blog post (One Year Later): It’s about his journey to grief recovery and beginning to rebuild his life.